Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
