i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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