I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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