Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
