she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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