and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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