I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
