Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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