I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
