Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
