Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
