you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
tell me about the eggs
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