I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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