is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
