Why does Corona taste like a burp?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
