when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
