my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
