I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
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literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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