my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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