census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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