I like to think it a success when the cops are called
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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