When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
