I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
