i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
