Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
