i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
