Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
