I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
