A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
