wakey wakey hands off snakey
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Randomize
