pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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