You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
