I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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