I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
