Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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