I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
