Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
