Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
of course. lets lasso hookers.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Fuck me I smell like cheese
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
