I murdered the dance floor call the cops
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
