I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
home. puking in laundry basket.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
