saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
