just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
