I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
