guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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