We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize