i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We need to rekindle our bromance
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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