He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize