i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
