Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
