You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
