dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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