he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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