Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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