i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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