apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
