my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
