What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
