Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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