I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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