so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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