I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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