She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
