Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
