mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
