we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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