I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
