just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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