Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
