I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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