babies were throwing up all over the place
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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