I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
