I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
